William Faulkner wrote, "The past is never dead, it's not even past".

As we all know, memories are selective!  We have even learned that history itself is usually written with a specific slant and an explicit agenda.   Our memories of growing up in Paterson, or Fair Lawn, or Passaic, or Clifton etc. are purely subjective.  When our memories co-mingle at times and at places, it becomes a truly “WOW” moment.  The PEW Research Center in its study of Jewish behavior, found that Passover and Chanukah were the holidays to which the most Jewish families remained totally committed.  This does not indicate that most families observed these rituals totally according to Jewish law, but it does indicate that families respected these events and did have a family gathering whether totally observant or as a family gathering. 

            This year, as we all struggle with our new reality of social distancing and shelter-in–place, our children and we and our grandkids will be creating a unique Passover memory.  –It may be a great time to create unique memories of Passover via ZOOM or FACETIME!   And if that is our only means of being together, then we must be grateful for modern technology and “go for it”.
 
            My memories of Passover are so clearly embedded in my mind.   These memories are both super happy celebrations, as well as the last family Pesach, when indeed, the Molech HaMavet, the Angel of Death, hovered as my mother struggled with a devastating and debilitating brain tumor.  That was a bittersweet Pesach knowing that the following year her seat would be empty and the room would be empty without her loving smile, her graciousness, her love of Judaism. 

 
            My brother Joel was very serious about Jewish observance from his first days at Religious School.  He must have been 11 or 12 when our mother bought us a Child’s Hagaddah.  (I still have it) Joel sat with me and divided the reading parts of the Pesach Seder between us.  I was so excited.  My father and his brothers did not mind that Joel conducted the Seder with me as his sidekick.  Of course, the most exciting part of our Seder always was the competition with our downstairs neighbors.  We were close and always enjoyed each other.  Our neighbor Mr.Gruss would compete with us and I remember him singing Dayainu out of his dining room window so that we would know exactly where he was in the Hagaddah.  And, we would sing loudly back through the window.
 
            However, as you all know, Pesach activity begins long before the first Seder.  I remember my mother ordering the fresh fish to prepare gefitle fish and walking to (we did not own a car) Park Avenue to the fish market.  Do you remember the grinder that would be attached to the kitchen table???   Yes, my Mom would attach the grinder to the kitchen table, and hand crank the grinder as she prepared the fish.  She made the best gefilte fish, but the house smelled from it for days. She would do this several days before Pesach.  Pesach was much simpler years ago.  We had one stove, one oven, and one refrigerator!   Today most of us have 2 refrigerators, a huge freezer, double oven, stove, and dishwasher to clean for Pesach in addition to kitchen cabinets.  Growing up, we had a huge pantry in the kitchen.  My mother would scrub the shelves and put all the ‘chometz’ on one side; dishes and groceries.  These would be neatly covered.  The other side would be scrubbed and covered with fresh “oil cloth”.  Our Pesach dishes were in a cabinet in the hallway between the kitchen and dining room called the “butler’s” pantry.  It was so easy to empty the closet, wash the Pesach dishes and put them on the shelves in the pantry. 

           And what is more festive than sitting with cousins, uncles, and aunts enjoying the Seder and hearing their stories of life in their beloved Newark!   When Joel and I were in college, we would invite friends who were too far from home or friends who didn’t have much of a family and would otherwise be alone.  So many of our Seder memories include these friends and the wonderful different melodies they would share. 

            Into this mix of our home during the holiday, was the time we spent at Temple Emanuel with our wonderful friends.  We loved participating in the service!  The teenagers sat in the first rows of the synagogue and we would sing along with the cantor.  I remember walking to Eastside Park after lunch on holidays and Shabbat (weather permitting) talking, enjoying these special friendships, sometimes a little flirting, sometimes just hanging out.

            You may also remember that Jewish kids did not attend public school on Jewish holidays.  The schools were open but even the least observant Jewish kids were kept home from school on holidays.  I attended Public School #20!  My non-Jewish friends would comment on how empty the school was.  Not only were the Jewish kids absent, but also much of the faculty was also Jewish and they were not at school on a holiday.

            And now, we are helping to create memories for our families.  The memories of this year will remain unique.  We could add a surgical mask to our Seder plate as a reminder of the Coronavirus.  Or we could add an eleventh plague to our list of ten.  Since the Egyptians did not suffer from this plague, we would not have to remove a drop of wine---we could have that wine for ourselves. 

          What are the memories that you are creating?  How will your families remember your Seder ceremonies?  

            Today, there are about 14-15 million Jews in the world.  There will be about the same number of different celebrations of Pesach.  Although we share a common religious memory of the Exodus from Egypt and a common Hagaddah, we will each celebrate in our own unique way.  We thus continue the chain of Jewish memory and Jewish tradition. 

            The Torah commands us TO REMEMBER!  ZACHOR!   We are a people who know very well the truth of William Faulkner’s quote.  We know, that the memories of our traditions, our family’s history, our Jewish communities throughout the world, must be cherished.  Am Yisrael Chai!  {“The Nation of Israel Lives!”}    Because the past is not over!   

Miriam Kraemer Gray, Executive Board member of the JHSNJ